Work and Caregiving

Caring for a Parent While Working: FMLA Basics and Practical Options

By Ellen Carter. Published October 31, 2026. Publisher: Family Caregiver Practical Guide.

I remember the exact meeting. My phone buzzed three times in a row with my mother's number, and I stepped out of a budget review to learn she had been taken to the emergency room. She was okay. I was not. Sitting in my car afterward, I realized I had no idea what I was allowed to do. Could I take a week off? Would I lose my job? Did I have to tell my manager why?

Like many working caregivers, I had been quietly juggling for months, using lunch breaks for pharmacy calls and vacation days for appointments. I didn't know the rules, and I didn't know what to ask for.

This guide covers the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) in plain language, how to approach your employer, and the everyday strategies that helped me keep both my job and my sanity.

Please note: This post is general information, not legal, medical, or financial advice. Leave rights depend on your employer, your state, and your situation. For questions about your own case, contact your HR department, the U.S. Department of Labor's Wage and Hour Division (1-866-487-9243), or an employment attorney in your state.

Key takeaways

• The FMLA can give eligible employees up to 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a 12-month period to care for a parent with a serious health condition.
• Not every employer or employee is covered, so check eligibility first.
• Leave can sometimes be taken in separate blocks or on a reduced schedule.
• Your state may offer additional protections or paid leave.
• Talk to HR early, and come with a specific plan.

The FMLA in Plain Language

According to the U.S. Department of Labor, the FMLA entitles eligible employees of covered employers to take unpaid, job-protected leave for qualifying family and medical reasons, and requires the employer to continue group health benefits under the same terms as if the employee had not taken leave (DOL, Family and Medical Leave Act).

For caregivers, the key qualifying reason is caring for a spouse, child, or parent who has a serious health condition. Eligible employees can take up to 12 workweeks of leave in a 12-month period.

A few details matter:

• "Parent" has a specific meaning. The DOL defines it as a biological, adoptive, step, or foster parent, or someone who stood in the role of a parent when you were a child. It does not include parents-in-law.
• The leave is unpaid under federal law, though you may be able to use paid time off, and some states have paid family leave programs.
• Leave can be broken up. The DOL explains that eligible employees may take FMLA leave intermittently (in separate blocks of time) or on a reduced schedule when medically necessary, such as for a parent's treatment appointments.

Are You Eligible?

Both your employer and you have to meet the requirements. Here is a quick checklist based on the DOL's description:

Your employer is covered if it is:

• ☐ A private-sector employer with 50 or more employees in 20 or more workweeks in the current or previous calendar year, or
• ☐ A public agency (federal, state, or local government), regardless of size, or
• ☐ A public or private elementary or secondary school, regardless of size

You are eligible if you:

• ☐ Have worked for that employer for at least 12 months
• ☐ Have at least 1,250 hours of service in the 12 months before your leave starts
• ☐ Work at a location where the employer has at least 50 employees within 75 miles

If you're not sure, ask HR. If you don't qualify for the FMLA, you may still have options under state law or your employer's own policies.

Check Your State's Rules Too

The DOL advises checking with your state labor department, because state law may offer additional or greater protections. Some states have their own family leave laws or paid family leave programs, and some cover more relatives or smaller employers. Search for your state's labor department website, or ask HR which state programs apply to you.

How to Talk to Your Employer

You don't have to share every detail of your parent's health, but you do need to communicate your need for leave. The DOL notes that employees must communicate with their employer about their leave needs, and the employer may ask for certification of the need for leave from a health care provider.

A conversation that worked for me:

1. Start with HR if you can. Ask, "Can you walk me through our family leave options and the FMLA paperwork?"
2. Come with a plan. "My mother has appointments every other Thursday. I'd like to request intermittent leave for those afternoons."
3. Offer solutions for your work. Who covers what, which deadlines move, how people can reach you.
4. Get it in writing. Keep copies of forms, emails, and approvals.

Things You Might Ask For

Not every employer offers every option, but it rarely hurts to ask clearly and politely.

Everyday Strategies for Working Caregivers

Leave helps in a crisis. Most weeks, though, it's the daily juggle that wears you down.

• Batch caregiving tasks. Make all your calls to pharmacies, doctors, and insurers in one block, rather than scattering them through the workday.
• Use early or late appointment slots when you can.
• Build a backup plan. Know who can step in if you can't leave work: a sibling, a neighbor, a paid aide. Our guide to respite care for family caregivers covers ways to find help.
• Share the load. If you have siblings, divide tasks by strength and availability. See how to split caregiving responsibilities among siblings.
• Keep information in one place. A single folder of contacts, insurance, and documents saves hours. Our documents checklist shows what to gather.
• Protect your own time off. Using every vacation day for appointments leaves nothing for rest.

Watch for Burnout

Working caregivers carry two jobs. If you're losing sleep, falling behind at work, or feeling resentful, those are signals to get more help, not to push harder. Our guide to caregiver burnout warning signs lists what to watch for and what to do.

If Your Job Becomes Unsustainable

Sometimes caregivers consider cutting back hours or leaving work. Before you decide, it may help to:

• Talk to HR about every option, including unpaid leave and reduced schedules.
• Look at the long-term costs of leaving, including lost income, retirement savings, and benefits. A financial professional can help you think it through.
• Compare the cost of paid help with the income you'd give up. Our guide to what it costs to care for an aging parent is a starting point.

A Book for Planning the Long Haul

My upcoming book, The Long-Haul Caregiver, includes planning pages for balancing work and caregiving, and scripts for difficult conversations with employers and family.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I take FMLA leave to care for my parent?

If you and your employer meet the eligibility requirements, the FMLA allows up to 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a 12-month period to care for a parent with a serious health condition. Check with HR to confirm your eligibility.

Is FMLA leave paid?

No, FMLA leave is unpaid under federal law. You may be able to use paid time off during your leave, and some states have paid family leave programs. Ask HR or your state labor department.

Can I use FMLA to care for my mother-in-law?

Under the federal FMLA, the DOL's definition of "parent" does not include parents-in-law. Your state's law or your employer's policy may be different, so check both.

Can I take FMLA leave a few hours at a time?

The DOL explains that eligible employees may take FMLA leave intermittently or on a reduced schedule when medically necessary, such as for a parent's treatments or appointments. Leave can be taken in hours or days, depending on the situation.

Do I have to tell my employer about my parent's diagnosis?

You need to communicate your need for leave, and your employer may require certification from a health care provider. Ask HR what information they need and how it is kept private.

Books by Ellen Carter

• Home, Safe, and Heard — scripts, checklists, and planning pages for helping a parent stay safely at home. (coming soon on Amazon)
• When You're Caring for a Parent: A Practical Workbook for Adult Children — fill-in pages for family meetings, responsibilities, and important documents. (coming soon on Amazon)

Sources

• U.S. Department of Labor, Wage and Hour Division, "Family and Medical Leave Act": https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla (accessed October 31, 2026)

About the Author

Ellen Carter writes practical, plain-language guides for adult children caring for aging parents. She learned most of what she shares the hard way, through her own family's caregiving. Read more about Ellen.